Tuesday, September 4, 2007

I thought of her today

I thought of her today. I thought of her smile, and how she felt in my arms when we greeted each other after the long summer off. We always hugged each other when we’d been apart for any length of time. I thought of the cute way she always pronounced the word room as rum.

I missed her today. I’ve started back to work, and my girlfriend that passed away is not there for the first time. It’s strange how we know intellectually that someone has passed away, and yet we look for them still, in the surroundings we were so accustomed to seeing them in. We would always look for each other on our first day back. There’s a total mass of faculty and staff from all of our various buildings and departments; people just greeting one another and catching up quickly on how the summer went for everyone. If we were lucky, we’d find each other before we had to take our seats, but not this year.

She loved her job. I mean she loved it! She’s the one that talked me into this. She was always so sweet and so good with the kids, and she was funny as heck. We always laughed when we got together. She was a little like me, in the way we both could say something, meaning it in a disgusted kind of way, but it made anyone that heard it laugh, and then we'd laugh too.

Fireguy’s always telling me I’m funny when I’m mad, because I’ll say things straight out as I see them, but in a way I wouldn’t even know how to describe. I had a car mechanic tell him he thought I was a riot, because of some things I had to say when he quoted me the bill (a grand in repairs). I wasn’t laughing mind you. My friend was the same way. She had a way of just saying something funny when she was peeved.

I don’t know how much I’ll be posting, not that it would be noticed. Therapy out in the universe, what was I thinking? Right now I just want get some soup and pray I get through tomorrow. That’s all I want, just to get through tomorrow.


SeaSpray said...

Awww..Angel, I am sorry about your friend. Maybe God opened the heavens for her to look down and cheer you on today. That must have been so hard for you today. I wonder if subconsciously this was a factor in your not wanting to return to this job this year?

I know you miss her and she is irreplaceable but there is going to be someone else who is just as special in their own way that will come along, another kindred spirit just for you. And you will be a blessing to them.

I wish I could hear that humor! ;)

I got to hear Dr A's show from the other day and really enjoyed it!

Anonymous said...

Don't you dare say you don't think that not posting would not be noticed! You have loads of fans, there are many who appreciate your words, wit and wisdom. Sure, be kind to yourself and step back on the posting if it will help you to have a bit of time to yourself to do nice things with your friends and family, but do not ever think that people will not miss your posting, 'cos they will.
Take care of yourself first though.

Someonect said...

“This hole in my heart is in the shape of you. No one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?” ~Jeanette Winterson

my heart pains for you. i hope that you will continue to write your pains away. i will pray for you.

wolfbaby said...

im so sorry for the loss of such a dear person in your life.. many many hugs

Chrysalis said...

Seaspray, you know loss of late -it's one of those parts in life that just stinks, sorry I have no eloquent words for it. I think stinks - fits. Thank you.

Orcadia, I can never tell you how much your visits here have meant to me. I am vulnerable too at times, and you are such an encourager to me. I feel those cyber hugs and appreciate them immensely.

Someonetc, I'd love to know how you got that name. Thank you so much for those words. When I read that quote the tears streamed down my face, as that's exactly how I felt.
I found it waiting for me last night, but just couldn't muster up a response. Thank you so much.

Wolfbaby, thank you for always being so sweet. I'm missing out on all the sweet pea and cookie monster stories, but hopefully I'll get into some kind of rhythm here soon, right now it's an adjustment.

I really appreciate all of you! Thank you again.

Rositta said...

I would absolutely miss your posts, I am trying to catch up today. I have very spotty internet here in Athens. I know how it feels to miss someone badly and understand about your friend...ciao

Visionary & Medium Extraordinaire said...

My sense is that when ever we find ourselves looking for our loved one, our 'spirit' knows that they're there. We don't see them, but our hearts long for them.
I also know that the 'Spirit' of the loved one who's passed is always just a thought away.
ChrysAngel, next time you miss your friend, just talk to her in your mind. I guarantee you, that she'll hear you, and if you just sit patiently and listen in, you'll hear her too. That's how simple it is. And I'm telling you, that even though our loved ones in spirit have lost their physical body, they want nothing more than to be acknowledged, and they want nothing more than to just say hi and most often.... I love you!
This has been my experience so many times.

Here are some lyrics that I've found to be very profound by Mary Fry. A beautiful version of it is sung by Aine Minogue 'Lamentations'

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there.
I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and sigh
I am not here.
Do not cry.

I am a thousand winds
that swiftly blow.
I am the diamond glint
on newly fallen snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the soft and gentle autumn rain.

When you wake from sleep
in the early morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft, starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there.
I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and sigh
I am not here.
Do not cry.

I just want to let you know Chrys Angel, you affect people every single day with your beautiful writing - Thanks :)

SeaSpray said...

Visionary-so beautifully said. :)

Scott said...

How sad. I am sorry for your loss. You will make it through tomorrow!

Chrysalis said...

Hello Sweet Rositta, I'm just swamped right now...I forgot to say I'm may be out of the building at 4, but work can go on at home - without pay...things we have to do. So I'm real busy just now.

V&ME, thank you. You all touch my heart so with such words. It was such a hard day to get through...I do know she's alright now. It's the living who suffer.

My Seaspray...thank you.

Scott, hope you are doing well, I'll be back around the sites when I get time. I miss everyone. Thank you so much for saying something. Be good -